Obsequious Goddess

2011-03-11T15:21:00.002+05:00

oh look
those beautiful green parrots
are back on the trees
Fluttering ceremoniously
from one branch to another
celebrating the rudiment season
- - -
they have no idea
of the predicaments of the new season....
nor do the humans
- - -
but
all these unduly authoritative notions
vulnerability, uncertainity, insecurity ,fear
are far more powerful!

---

Its just a phase....

2010-06-04T04:19:00.002+05:00

hey you ....

come on give me ur hand ....

i ll feel the way i felt it the first time...

lets be strangers once again ...

that first feel....

that first kiss...

that first touch ...

i miss those..

i miss that first night we spent together...

"loosen up yourself"

you whispered in my ear....

i tried but couldn't....

you felt my body...

i felt yours...

that wasn't just a feeling...

was it ?

come and let's share the same feeling once again...

let's allow each other to breath each other once again ....

come and lets call each other once again ....

as if we never took each other's names before.....

listen...' i think i am falling for you .....'

'i think you are not the only one'

yes lets be together and lets start flying once again....

how.....these years.... phases of life...ups and downs....

came right in between us ....

we ..... were the strongest ones ....

we were the faithful ones

why all that just got vanished

feels as if its evaporated,,,,

just..when we both got comfortable with each other.....

hey you ....

lets question each other and

lets question to ourselves...

why we can't feel the same anymore....

i am sure its not you ...

i am sure its not me ....

its just a phase....

..... ...... ...... ..... ....... ....... ........ .........

2010-05-31T23:53:00.002+05:00

The skin is stretched... it aches...

you don't even touch it .. it aches the way it is ...

it's painful.....

your Eyes are hurting...

dry eyes... they hurt... they get wet... doesn't make a difference... rather there's a pinch in them...

your heart is burdened.. makes your whole body feel burdened...

you breathe and realize .. it takes a lot of effort to breathe....

a silence wraps you up ...

you speak... you talk... words are no more making any sense...

what exactly do you want...

you question yourself... no reply comes up ...

its just a phase.. you finally conclude....

2010-05-14T01:21:00.001+05:00

sometimes...

the person you fall for isn't ready to catch you .....

you fall....

you shatter....

and you keep loving that person...

with all those little pieces....

the more you are into pieces....

the more that person is loved by you....

Scribbling after 5 months....

2009-05-24T04:51:00.002+06:00

DAMN... WTF... i feel angry, i feel bitter, i feel confused....
just when i really really wanted to write something, no to be precise, just when i wanted to be ALONE... there is so much bloody disturbance around me...its 5 in the morning, i didnt sleep... i wanted to but i couldnt... i wanted to talk to myself... i wanted to listen to myself .. but ...duh... what the hell has become my life... i just dnt know....
--------------------------
stay there, dont leave
there is life out there still...
your silence makes me believe

its dark in here
this mass grave
where people are every where
each eye stares me
each person whispers something

my ears burn
my heart rushes
my body aches
but sense of paralysis
is all what i feel

the more my world is spinning fastly
the less i feel moving

and another year passes by... !!!

2009-01-01T00:27:00.001+05:00

The very thing that brings the work to life is the thing that will cause its death....its been like that it has been taken off to another world.. it doesnt feel like destruction...it feels as if you have touched the heart of the place...thats the way of understanding....seeing something u never saw before...which was always there but you were blind to...somethin very alien to the world...
what lies below the surface, effects the surface..... I have always liked the sensation of travelling.. makes me dislocated...uprooted...and may be thats the rebel in me which appreciates this sensation...
I have never understoood the relationship of stone with the fluidity.....the continuous pursuit of the life......I have this feeling that i approach its depth the more i get to know it...the life is also in me ..............Its just the feeling of energy flowing thru all things ...
I made a relationship and took it to the extent of collapse..... and there created a beautiful balance.....Something so dramatic so intense could be so hidden..... so underneath the skin of the body...something very alien to the world...

Culture Unplugged Video

2008-12-22T20:16:00.001+05:00

View this movie at cultureunplugged.com

UNTITLED !

2008-09-14T11:54:00.003+06:00

I know my junk hurts you but its my disease and worst is i gotta cure myself. I refuse to take responsibility of a human life (mine) seriously so every one concerned suffers, like yourself. I know this attitude is amoral in popular opinion but as once a wacko said 'I am a solitary being with solitary dreams'. I am not cut out for domestication. . . anyways, don't be angry na!

W T F !!!

2008-09-12T18:51:00.002+06:00

Today.. a lethargic morning led to a lazy day...i slept last night for about four hours ...yeah nuthin new for a terrible insomniac...came to office as usual at 10 am and was gearing up myself for a happening day ahead...but ..eventually it turned out to be the most unenergetic, drowsy, dull and sluggish day ...i think i am suffering from an abnormal disorder in which i am unable to figure out anything...but i certainly know the reason that forced me to inactivity...
a wrath...leading to the indifference in me...the toxic anger syndrome...i am suffering from it badly and there is no cure...its written all over me, the silent screams i am sure some people can hear ... perhaps that was the reason that a remedy was suggested to me from a well wisher...go out on some hill top and scream out loud, abuse and take it out of you ...all of it...ahh i wish it could have been so easy!!
The fixed order of things; invincible necessity; fate; a resistless power or agency conceived of as determining the future, whether in general or of an individual... WTF!!!

In the name of 'Selfishness'

2008-08-08T20:01:00.003+06:00

Every human being experiences his or her own desire; it is part of our personal treasure and, although as an emotion, it can drive poeple away, generally speaking, it brings those who are important to us closer. It is an emotion chosen by my soul, and it is so intense that it can infect everything and everyone around me.

Each day i chose the truth by which i try to live . I try to be practical, efficient, professional. But i would like to be able always to chose desire as my companion. Not out of obligation, not to lessen my loneliness, but because it is good. Yes, very good.

In the name of loneliness !

2008-08-08T01:43:00.003+06:00

Profound desire, true desire is the desire to be close to someone. From that point onwards, things change, the man and the woman come into play, but what happens before - the attraction, that brought them together, is impossible to explain. It is untouched desire in its purest state. When desire is still in its pure state, the man and the woman fell in love with life, they live each moment reverently, conciously, always ready to clebrate the next blessing.
When people feel like this, they are not in a hurry, they do not percipitate events with unthinking actions. They know that the inevitable will happen, that what is real will always find a way to reveal itself. When the moment comes, they do not hesitate, they do not miss an oppurtunity, they do not let slip a single moment, because they respect the importance of each moment.

P.S. I have learned that waiting is the most difficult bit and i want to get used to the feeling, knowing that you are with me, even when you are not by my side ! ! !

2008-07-10T19:18:00.002+06:00

World is celebrating population day ....
P people
O of
P potential
U under
L laborious
A activities
T torn apart
I immensly
O over
N nothing

Cheers !

mein naiyo jana khairayan dey naal!

2008-05-19T00:43:00.004+05:00

this word just came and stood there in my mind.. DREAM... want to write something about it, went to dictionary online and found more meanings to it, more details, some thing that could define this word more so that it wont be stuck there any more but still after about one hour its there .. and i am just not able to figure out what i want to write about it, a fancy, a hope, an illusion, i dont know in what exact manner its stuck into my mind...i m unable to interpret it the way its there in my mind, sometimes when i slip down automatically to brown study and dont come out for hours ...it doesnt help.... coz after losing yourself into such deep thoughts yet you are unable to figure out what you want..it sucks....but is this important to always figure out something after prevailing in the phase of brown study... i dont think so, one can sometimes think only for the heck of it... or sometimes to kill time, or sometimes to get away with certain things....yeah !!! its absolutely not important always to figure out something or to come to a result after thinking about something... May be this was the same concept behind the invention of abstract art ... yeah when some one just starts playing with the colors just for the heck of it, and is never sure of what he , she wants to portray ... the color scheme, the lines, the splatters.. anything showed on the canvas eventually ends up in a shape but that doesnt mean that the artist wanted to paint the same thing... yeah .. makes more sense now...
the way this DREAM word just came and stuck in my mind... may be the reason is that i havent dreamt for a long time now... strange na... yeah ... i sleep but when i wake up i never remember anything no matter how much i sleep... this is strange...never thought this could happen to me but it did... i want to dream... not knowing what to dream about but want to dream...

2008-04-30T00:17:00.003+05:00

ishq aap wee awalla...
aehdey kum wee awallay
jidhay pesh paiy janda...
kakh chad'da nai pallay
teri deed da chaa'
ujj wakt-e-nizaa
niklay mera saa
takday takday
mere beparwa hun aa we ja
thak gayee aye nigah
takday takday
menu maut ton darra ke
karhya munh na tu morr
mey taan neeti hai namaz
meri neet na tu torr
jind yaar dey hawalay
akh jidhay naal larri
dil vich shauq milan daa
hanerii ishq dii charhii...
kanday uttay mehrmaa wey
mey tey kadon dii kharii....

2008-04-28T21:02:00.002+05:00

That thing, that moment, when you kiss someone and everything around becomes hazy and the only thing in focus is you and this person and you realize that, that person is the only person that you're supposed to kiss for the rest of your life, and for one moment you get this amazing gift and you want to laugh and you want to cry because you feel so lucky that you found it and so scared that it will go away all at the same time....!

Prodigy !

2008-04-24T23:22:00.002+05:00

she asked in a simple and subtle yet strong way .. define yourself in three words and the reply was very spontaneous 'I LOVE YOU' she kept on staring at him for next couple of moments and was thrilled by the firmness of the expressions on his face .... he was so sure of what he was saying and it was written all over him...this was definitely one of those moments for her that she could have yielded....!!!

who makes you feel...that i make you feel !

2008-04-22T20:14:00.002+05:00

both are at the peak of emotions, love and serenity with each other... and then he asks suddenly ... "what worst you could do to me ever ...." she replies quoting his own words... "since i am the element of happiness, elemnet of Life in your life,,,so one fine day you wake up and find that i am no more... this would definitely be worst to you..." and he replies... "ahhh you register every word of mine ... what ever i say you save it in your heart and mind.. so the worst you could do to me is that ... one fine day you stop listening to me !!!!" and she is speechless !!!

Cheers !

2008-04-21T01:02:00.003+05:00

the expected pleasure of the unexpected happenings could be so great ... experience it and you will actually get to know.. but you have to have a great patience for that... i myself never realized if i had all this patience.. but what ever the result is ahhhh its very sweet and painful at the same time...
i am actually over joyed ... yeah ! this is something which is giving me not only a joy, a smile, happy heart and peaceful mind but also it shows how true the feelings are... how strong the essence is and how profound the sensations could be ....

the trauma is that we dont know no other way of expressing but the same old words,,, and we seek nothing out of it but the same old traditional dumb answers which make no sense but perfect nonsense...

to all those whom i wanted to forget...they have always been there but never existed ... still i know no other form of disowning them but to get myself seperate from them.
you are abnormal ... monstorous to me ..........

A free soul...!

2008-04-16T19:31:00.003+05:00

Do lines restrict our lives, our tempo, our flow and the movement...or they are important to straighten up ourselves...???
sitting in office, doing not much, was shuffling my school note book and tried to scribble something on the lined page... suddenly this question appeared on my mind...and my pencil stopped....
a blog was over due.. so thought of answering this question here ...
Blankness wether it is in a room, on a paper, in a mind, or on the sky....always gives a chance to fill it in your way....
A blank empty room... decorate it your way ... with your shades of mood...
A blank paper.. what a perfect scenario to color it, scribble it, sketch on it, no restrictions.. use it upside down.. doesnt make any difference...
A blank mind... think your way... what ever your mood is apply it and allow your mind to wander .....
Ever noticed... the blank sky.. with scattered white clouds... how beautifully the clouds take the advantage of that blankness and move around.. fly with the wind.. and make different abstract, sometimes accurate shapes, signs....imagine a sky full of horizontal lines... ugghhhh what do you expect from the clouds then...
Blankness not only gives you a choice , a reason to use your free will but also allows you to experience the most wierd, the most shocking, the most strangest.....
ahhh...i guess its the height of being a free soul...well may be, may be not !!! but this is how i feel... :)

2008-01-25T19:01:00.000+05:00

Tum ne suraj bhuja diye sahib

Ab bahut door tak andhera hai.....

and this is all due to "your own brains" !!!

just a quick thought in mind !

2008-01-07T19:10:00.000+05:00

we all trash each other, because we all are so low on our self esteems that we feel good when we humiliate others...!!!

inertia!

2008-01-07T19:06:00.000+05:00

There are days when this state of inertia overcomes and all my senses seem to be dead... i listen to music regardless of the fact that its absolutely not soothing to my ears, to my mind...the surrounding is so monotonous, the daily routine is so stagnant but i dont feel anything any more... today is certainly one of these days when i am working but i dont feel it, i am talking, listening to music, but not sensing anything... !!!!

alienated nostalgia !

2008-01-05T10:40:00.000+05:00

Its Jan 05th,08...one of those signatured grey days of winters, when every things seems to be dull, causing boredom... and you wish there would be one sun beam and everything will shine... these grey days always leave a great impact on me... sitting in office right now, but whenever i observe these hazy days every year in winters, all my senses and my passions, my mind and my whole body seems to be dragged and locked up in a kind of strange shell.... i go deep down in the memory lane yet i think of nothing... this grey takes me to all those things i havent done, to all those people i have never met and to all those places where i have never been...... !!! life has never been easy or smooth for me, but i am a sort of person who never regretted anything... i have been through a lot and still have the courage to face more...but there is certainly a wistful desire, a sentimental yearning.. to reach out to something or someone which is always there in my imagination, but my senses have never been able to give that particular feeling a shape or body... !!! i dont know what i want but one thing i know is that this desire is pretty intense !

Feb 18th 2008, new date for elections!

2008-01-02T17:24:00.000+05:00

So, the elections have been postponed...something which was already expected and i always personally believed that elections will never be held in Musharraf's regime...but i never knew that pakistan will have to pay a very heavy price for that in shape of losing BENAZIR BHUTTO...!!! The new date for elections announced just a 5 minutes ago is February 18, 2008 after Muharram...government says two major reasons of postponing the elections. One is security situation of the country and the other is Muharram... well, we all know what are the actual reasons... and i am affirmed on this idea one more time that elections will never be possible until Musharraf is alive...Lets see before Feb 18th, 2008 what else we have to lose... how many people in suicide bombings, how many leaders, how many icons and how many integrities... !!!!

Stepping into 2008...

2008-01-01T00:59:00.000+05:00

Another year ends and the last day was same as ever... gloomy, sad , grey day ....No one knows what the new year has for us but one thing that i know is that this year is going to be exciting... stepping into new year 2008 was something really intersting... i will always remember that moment... and the way i am smiling right now with the thought of that moment, i am pretty sure i ll smile throughout the year ... I am happy that i am stepping into this new year with this idea which gives me only one feeling that i am complete ... May this year brings lots of cheers to me and my family !!

2007-12-28T01:29:00.000+05:00

Bhutto ki Beti.... (1953-2007)

BB Assassinated

Another deadly suicide bombing....with a well planned assassination...and She submitted to the cruelty, ruthlessness and barbarity at 6:16pm Dec 27th, 2007.

Provoked....

2007-12-17T06:44:00.000+05:00

Pent-Up Rage

2007-11-12T20:04:00.000+05:00

9 days of the state of emergency in the country and doesn’t make any difference to the common man… well yes that’s true, a common man has nothing to do with it as long as he is getting the daily bread and butter and why would he has anything to do with it. All this rat race between the political parties and army is just for fun sake for the people who always want to have something happening in their lives, because they have nothing else to worry about, they have enough money in their bank accounts, their children are studying abroad and they have more than what it takes to live a simple subtle life. So end of the day when they see how boring the life has become for them they start something to have fun, to make themselves feel that they are alive and to tell people that they exist.
2007 has been the most happening year not only for Pakistan itself but also for the world to see what worse could be done to a country that has everything. That reminds me of a comment of a French tourist who came to Pakistan for the first time and while we were on a trip to Faisalabad on the motorway she exclaimed with joy and surprise ‘you know Pakistan has everything, the lands, the mountains, the sea, the desert, the fields, the roads, the cities everything, I wonder what makes you the country of third world’!!! Ahh my poor friend. Never having the profound knowledge of Pakistan’s political history couldn’t figure out that we lack nothing rather we exceed. We exceed in hypocrisy, we exceed in sucking blood of the common man, we exceed in the abilities how to ruin this beautiful land and to ruin it up to an extent where there would be no fields, no waters, no mines, no roads, but bloodshed…
We Pakistani are…what a fate we have as being Pakistanis. The world looks at us as the terrorists, as the most dangerous country, a land where life is so worthless. What are we fighting on, what we need to have at the end of the day, what are we up to, what kind of a country it is to handover to the next generation.
Last seven years what ever happened in Pakistan is something, which will definitely be transferred to the new generation as a story full of awe, fear, hatred and resentment. Would it be a part of the textbooks of Pakistan studies? But then again if not still it will be transferred, the point is all this resentment will appear in the new generation against their very own country, is this what we are fighting for?
Being a part of the media I have this privilege to watch every channel whether its banned or not at my office. And what I watch on the television makes me think of all this aforementioned. People call us and ask what’s the news because they say they feel cut off, taken aback, left alone and what ever we tell them is something which is nothing but a worthless piece of shit.
One of my ‘trade partners’ a senior journalist talked to me today and said your BB is in Lahore, and I said yeah why Lahore should remain silent without the chaos of suicide bombings and bloodsheds. Honestly speaking, I am not a senior who could give an analysis or something about the situation in the light of all my life’s experiences and studies, but during last 4 years of my journalistic ventures I feel myself quite comfortable saying that all this is an awesome time pass for the richest and spicy for a common man who is all day busy and concerned about his every day living but in the evening when he comes back home he needs some entertainment full of thrill, drama and comedy.
Nukhbat/2007

Reborn !!

2007-08-20T15:51:00.000+05:00

the twisted cogitation
irresistibly influences
by an
abstract existence...

concrete realities
specific objects
actual instances
pose nothing
but
iniquitous illustrations

the soul cries
and i step forward
to rule out
the prescribed direction
for conduct

the unforeseen pleasure
is auguring

this fight of
a duel going on
for years now

the combat as
it gets intense
i am presumptuous

all set
to omit from consideration

ready to
set my mind at rest
ready to
to get over great odds

i am all set to be a rebel..!!

Fidgeter

2007-08-20T11:04:00.000+05:00

The sense of destitute gets stronger as the morning begins. I am completely impoverished. Everyone is here but something's missing. The place is conjusted rather suffocated with people, but there is a hollow yet its not providing a breathing space...I am unduly subjected to this association with you...

self portrait

2007-08-16T11:33:00.000+05:00

Strong yet Fragile
Serene yet Impatient
Aggressive yet Humble
Doubtful yet Convicted
Malevolent yet Benevolent
Impulsive yet Cautious
Stagnant yet Budger
Monotonic yet Brusque
Quiescent yet Active

I am unlike me
I am what I am not
I am what I dont want to be
ahhhh
contradictions
denials
discrepancies
yet
concordant!!!

2007-08-16T11:03:00.000+05:00

Belief Is One Of The Dimensions Of God?

For certainty we go with our conscious and for the uncertainties we swing with believes. The second one starts from where the first one leaves. We keep on committing on the part of the same...e.g. I believe that if we take two glasses of water just before going to sleep then nothing can disturb the peace. Some other people have their own result-oriented faiths.

2007-08-16T10:52:00.000+05:00

From Where the Go starts…?

Every one has some faculties of mind and on their routes he regains his past. Such memories are very dear to his self. They may start from dreams to some tragic modes. Dear faces come before ones eyes and make him forget everything and cries concerning to them reflects time and again.
Sweet incidents also have their own limitations and attractions, but the most exciting of those are the mistakes of the past same such dreams, friends, incidents, tragedies, errors make me cruel for self. Always wish to be again with them but for what? To remove these errors and tragedies or to mature my mistakes, and if for both? Than from where the go starts...?

2007-08-15T12:03:00.000+05:00

Requital
------------------------------------

dormancy
silence everywhere
muteness at every step
concealment inside out
abridging day by day
i am certainly
oblivious to myself!!

i let go of the crib
stood alone
was that a rebel in me
or I just ended up being obsequy
to myself
fear of being convicted
of either of the above
extinctions me
abandons me
puts me into an archaic notion!!
nothing but yore!

elapsed acquaintances
heedless behaviors
extreme aversions
aborted hopes

i live with them
every day
every moment

i slumber
in this silence
at midnight
and then
suddenly
equanimity surrounds me
i am repelling one more time!!

I POSSES YOU !!

Isolated instances of rebellion

2007-03-20T02:25:00.000+05:00

I saw the way the police chased inside the media building, it is totally uncivilized yes…but after one day of this attack the feelings prevailing in my mind started connecting with each other and I wanted to put them in words, so here I am.

Freedom of press is a guarantee for the safety of a civilized society and its citizens, yes I agree but; what is this all about, why it happened?

The ‘game’ started off with the suspension of the justice on 9th march, 2007. No one knew what its going to result in and the common man was totally depending on the only private channel which always provides a platform for the people to see and to get alert and than to speak up also. No doubt it gives dimensions to people to think and express. The channel of masses on which a common man believes and people posses this channel in different ways. Attacking one of its offices is something not only to harm the freedom of press but also to play with the emotions of the common man. Just as they do when there are suicidal attacks or any other terrorism. The attackers know this relationship of the channel with the people and they knew what would be the after effect of this attack. I personally believe that “the aim” was perfectly targeted.

I saw the President condemning the attack and assuring the inquiry of the situation on TV today, but when he apologized with the people through media, the feeling of insecurity, isolation and confusion was clearly visible.

President Musharaff might have never thought that acting against the wishes of US would result in such a way for him. He is a very intelligent man well settled, well aware, knowing a great deal of the ins and outs of not only the country but of US, Iran, Iraq, India and Afghanistan. But he refused to be a pet of US anymore while ignoring the consequences, which are resulting gradually and detaching him day by day.
The hunch is clear that he will be wiped out very soon. The attack was the part of the message driving by the US that the replacement has been planned and the new man is already groomed. US want to enter its forces into Pakistan and Musharaff is resisting it. The message from US is very clear now i.e. US is omnipotent and they are all set not just to wipe out the so called Muslim Terrorist countries like Afghanistan and Iraq but Pakistan as well. It is slowly asserting its presence as Christian domination over the rest of the religions and so the only powerful and tough religion to resist is Islam.

The attack was to show him how “they” could play easily. The external forces have already planned to eliminate him and impose someone of their own choice.

Among all Islamic countries, Pakistan is the country with some balls in it. The ultimate scheming says to remove the balls, soften them with some fabricare, make an entry and the fate of Muslim solidarity is lost.
It is intolerant to any religion other than Christianity, we are not fundamentalists. But that is the truth

Himself has no doubt placed President Musharaff in quarantine.